[spon-tuhnee-i-tee, –ney-]
noun: spontaneity
  1. the condition of being spontaneous; spontaneous behavior or action.
    “she occasionally tore up her usual schedule in favor of spontaneity”

I met Christian my sophomore year of high school. We were kids from two different social groups. Never in a million years did I think I would marry him, but guess what? Guess. I did.

They say that everything happens for a reason.

“You didn’t get the job, so it’ll make you more prepared for the next interview”. Or “He’s not the one. The right one will come along, you’ll see”.

Well, yes, that was true for me.

I often found myself too wound up in trying to control every aspect of my life. College, work, relationships. It was in an unhealthy way. My anxiety went through the roof as I spit out failure, after failure, after failure.

Too frequently we become afraid of failure. We strive to become someone we see in a magazine or on TV. We have dreams. And when planning, you do not factor in error. Error is not something you want to see. Well, friends, error is everywhere.

Let’s go back to when I married Christian. I was 18 and he was 19. We were happy as can be.After his 9 month deployment came to an end, we found each other living under one roof for the first time. Before moving in we had this fantasy that we would never argue about stupid things and we’d live happily ever after. W-R-O-N-G. I was a crabby wife at first and I’d snap at the first sight of clothes outside of the hamper.


In those first 3 months of living together, we were unrecognizable. UNTIL, one day we got in the car with no plan. We had nothing to do. We had a full tank of gas and snacks and no plan. My mind was in full May-day mode, y’all. What if we crash? What if we run out of gas in the middle of nowhere? I had so many what if scenarios. I felt a panic attack coming on, but then…his hand grabbed mine. He gave me a smile and we drove down the barren Kansas highway.

We ended up at Milford Lake, not too far from where we lived. We watched the sun set (pictured below) along with our worries. We sat watching the sunset, and we slowly started to see the people we first fell in love with. We were so lost in such little time.


I tell you this story because spontaneity is a large part of our marriage. When we start questioning each other we always

grab and go. We go on a date or we try to sit and talk. Our marriage is a prime example of how individual flaws and errors can impact more than yourself. As much as I would love to be able to predict what next week will bring me, I don’t have full control. Together Christian and I collaborate to make things work. Marriage is not sunshine and rainbows all day, every day. It’s an emotional roller coaster. You cry, you fight, you laugh, together. Most importantly, there is no right way to do things. What might work for me might not work for you, but it is always worth a shot.

So be spontaneous and live for the day. You can plan AND improvise in many parts of life. Stayed tuned on a how-to, coming soon!

-Mary J.



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